There’s all kinds of talk on Ash Wednesday about what you’re going to give up for lent. Coffee, meat, sweets, cigarettes, beer, sex, what have you. Generally, this doing without is undertaken with a view towards putting off distractions, entering into purer states of contemplation, and in general getting your head right so you can pay better attention to Jesus. I myself have committed to the classic task not drinking or smoking. What I am trying to bear in mind this year, though, is not just what I am giving up, but that I am giving up, period.
While I certainly affirm the general benefits of fasting for your mental and spiritual well-being, I think that the real point of Lent cuts much deeper that a temporary shelving of some of the little day-to-day pleasures of life. Lent is traditionally a season of following Jesus to the cross. It is our response to Jesus’ command to “pick up your cross, and follow me.” So we shouldn’t treat our abstentions like strategies for improving our mental our spiritual health (even though they may do this for us), but as symbolic of our abandonment of everything that Jesus abandoned when he embraced the cross: self-interest, self-protection, self-love. So we aren’t giving things up, but about giving up the self that wants those things.
Jesus tells us that “whoever wants to save her life will lose it, but whoever loses her life for my sake will save it.” All radical Christian spirituality has this paradox of self-abandonment at its center – it simply comes to the fore during Lent. I can’t imagine that this would be an easy thing to accept in any setting, but modern American culture provides a particularly hostile environment to the idea that we do not find ourselves by looking for ourselves. For we stand as the recipients of 300 years of accumulated wisdom of democracy, capitalism, transcendentalism, pioneering, evangelicalism, and therapeutic psychology, which all amount to an individualistic view of the self as the ultimate reality in life. The American self is the seat of desires to be fulfilled, the bulb waiting to bloom, the ground and goal of all reality.
The Christian view of the self, though, sees us as a completely contingent reality. “Contingent” is shorthand for the notion that before the grace of God giving us life, we did not exist, and would not exist, were that grace ever to be withdrawn. We did not create ourselves and we cannot sustain ourselves – life is completely out of our hands. Lent is a school for educating us around that reality, that “from dust we were taken, and unto dust we shall return” (Ecclesiastes 3.20).
Ecclesiastes as a whole would be a good book to keep in mind this month, because its message is basically that we were born (regrettably), we will die soon, and what we do in between will be forgotten shortly after that. There is nothing we can do to give ourselves life. And all of these things we occupy ourselves with – making enough money to get a new car or pair of jeans, drinking Double Mountain IPAs, trying to convince people to like us – aren’t they attempts to make ourselves feel alive? Life is good, don’t mistake me, but life is not ours, it is a gift, and we cannot have it until we let it be nothing.
One of my favorite expressions of this idea is from St. Antony. His friend Athanasius tells us that once when some monks went to visit him at his hut out in the Egyptian desert, what he told them was that
when we wake each day, we should think we shall not live till evening; and again when we go to sleep we should think we shall not wake, for our life is of its nature uncertain, and is measured out to us daily by Providence. So thinking and so living from day to day, we shall not sin, nor cherish any longing for anything, nor lay up treasure on earth; but as men who each day expect to die, we shall be poor, we shall forgive everything to all men.
Since uncertainty is what life is, then to try to take the risk and precariousness out of life is to cease to truly live. To put it more strongly, if we do not embrace death in the middle of life, we do not embrace life.
This attempt to make life secure is an idolatry that we Americans are particularly drawn to. We are plagued by a fear of death that runs far deeper than our fear of Islamic terrorists. What we don’t spend on national defense (stockpiling nuclear weapons which by definition we cannot use without destroying the world, and thus serve only to give us the illusion of safety) we spend on self defense. We defend ourselves against all appearances of death – old age, balding and graying, boredom, isolation – by spending money on the illusions of their opposites – plastic surgery, Rogaine and hair dye, entertainment centers, pornography and facebook.
Yet regardless of how successful we are at implementing our cures, they are all illusions because death is coming for all of us. Martin Luther once preached a very blunt sermon (as was his style) on death which he aptly titled “A Sermon on Preparing to Die.” He says that
the Devil fills our foolish human nature with the dread of death while cultivating a love and concern for life, so that burdened by such thoughts man forgets God, flees and abhors death, and thus, in the end, is and remains disobedient to God. What we ought to do, though, is familiarize ourselves with death during our lifetime, inviting death into our presence when it is still at a distance and not on the move.
What I think he’s getting at here is that to begin with the desire for security (“Whoever seeks to gain his life…”) is to be unable to give the sort of reckless obedience to God that is the only real life. But to begin with obedience to Christ is to find him where he went – at the cross, the place of death, failure, and abandonment. Yet since it is Jesus that we find there, we are set free to live without fear of death, to not have to pretend that death is not already everywhere in the midst of our lives.
What’s more is that Jesus’ embrace of death was just his own, but the death that all of us are living in. He joined us in our hopelessness and abandonment. We, then, should be aware that while death is assured for all of us, the death that is assured for many of our brothers and sisters around the world will be a violent and degrading one, whether at the hands of violent men (as was Jesus’) or on account of malnutrition or disease. Now, as we give up some aspect of consumption for a month, we should be more aware that all of the West’s greatest efforts in combatting those evils are funded by the exploitation that causes them in the first place. No buying campaign will cure what buying caused in the first place. What is a start though, is to stop trying to escape poverty and humility by buying things that make us feel good, and embrace that poverty instead
The prophet Isaiah asks us, “Why do you buy what is not bread?” Why do you look for life in movies, music, sex, food, and alcohol, all of which, in themselves, are only emptiness in a wrapper? All of them are gifts from God, but they are not life. If all of this seems morbid and hopeless, well, it would be if it weren’t for the fact that Jesus walked this path before us, and walks with us now. But we know that because we “do not live by bread alone” there is a power of life at work beyond us, a power which cannot be at work in us until we give up our own feeble powers. It is this power that is confronting us in our life – but it is no other life than this one, full of death and fear and unfulfilled longing, that is being redeemed. So if we are going to expect resurrection, we must await it here, in the grave with Jesus.